Love in Dry Places

My biggest and most important prayer over the next few days is that I want to see from God's perspective.

These last few weeks have been difficult and a number of big things have happened. I've been struggling with sickness, I traveled to Los Angeles to visit with a dear friend, the Lenten season started on Wednesday, and 40 people are coming into town to partner together in a weekend full of service projects for the second time since I've moved in. I realized that most of those things don't sound difficult at all, but they have been prominent in that my relationship with God has been brought to the forefront of my mind.

In having the opportunity to look closely at my relationship with God, one very important thing became apparent: My perspective is perverted. I don't come close to seeing myself the way that God sees me. I also don't see my friends and family the way that God sees them, or my community the way that God sees it, or my priorities, and the list could go on and on. Every distortion impacts other distortions until we are caught up in one big frightening and confused mess. One thing is clear to me; God's perspective is always clear, always true, and always good. Man do I want his vision!

Three things stood out to me recently that speak directly to the dichotomy between the Lord's perspective and my own.

1. I've been very sick recently. In renegotiating what it means to engage life as a chronically sick person I've become extraordinarily discouraged. The only way to fight the discouragement is to remind myself that my value comes from God alone. My life may never follow the timeline of my peers. My life may never get on track with the trajectory of good job, family, house, comfy retirement, grandkids, but even in the days when I am curled on my couch unable to meet my obligations I have just as much value as I do when I am meeting goals and achieving success. I have incredible value in the eyes of the Lord even when I am worthless in the eyes of the world.

Another reminder that drove this home is that this weekend I am serving in Philadelphia with a number of dear friends as well as people I have never met. The idea of serving in Philly has caught on and spread and nearly 40 people will be out serving for two days. This entire trip was planned in 2 months and for most of that time I was either sick or swamped with schoolwork. I had a wonderful partner helping with the planning, but even with her help it is so easy to see that God handed this trip to us. The planning was so easy, the logistics fell easily into place and all of that was possible even though I spent most of that time negotiating illness.

2. While I was in L.A. I had the opportunity to spend a lazy morning on the beach. Nothing moves me to praise God more than his creation. What stuck out to me that was incredible that I was moving more in line with God's will on that beach than I ever would have been in the Penn library. I was more in line with God's will when I was stopping to rest and praise God than I ever would have been if I had been striving toward any goal of worldly success. I know that my God values hard work and discipline, but it pales in comparison to what we were made for which is to worship and glorify God.

3. On the plane ride from L.A. to Denver, the scenery was remarkable. The view goes from clear Blue Ocean, to lush, green, sunny valley, to snow-capped mountains, to dry and empty desert. What was clear to me on that plane was that the Lord values the desert just as much as the green and sunny valley. In fact, he values desert so much that he sent his chosen people to wander in a desert for 40 years. While I might chalk that up as a waste of time, that is not the Lord's perspective. He sees value and beauty in what seems to me like a dry, empty, valueless space.

As I go into this weekend with others who are serving alongside me, my prayer is for God's perspective toward myself, others, my community, and my life. I pray that each of us would strive to assume that perspective this weekend. It is also my prayer that as we walk into neighborhoods and homes that we would be aware of the deserts of Philadelphia, but see those deserts with the eyes of the Lord.