These last couple of weeks haven't been easy and it's been difficult to come up with what to write about. I've been struggling even more to find a solid church community. I've gotten really sick for 3 weeks in a row, and I have had a hard time feeling God's presence.
Through all of these things that have been hard, I've found it really challenging not to play the if...then... game. If I were healthier, then I would use my time better. If I had more time, then it wouldn't be so hard to get plugged in. If I had a solid church community, then it would be easier to meet with God daily. If God gave me everything I asked for when I asked for it, then I would be a super-Christian with lots to celebrate and be thankful for.
This past week I got sick again and haven't been able to keep down food. I spent another week in and out of hospitals with lots of people poking around at my veins and lots more tests. It's incredibly discouraging to think that I'm going back to a place of unhealthiness, but I honestly think that it was being sick again that finally changed my attitude. I was sick off and on for 8 years, and somehow God was able to use me and give me enough strength to do some pretty incredible things considering the circumstances. I guess it was the jump start that I finally needed to get out of my funk and realize that it's not about having all the things that I think I want and need. Instead it's about faith and trust.
I've been spending a lot of time thinking through what I want my time in Philly to look like. I had this great idea that I should have in mind all the things that I want to do here, the type of community that I want to build, the people I want to invest in, and a well planned schedule defining where I would spend my time. I think I've finally realized that God calls us to a life of faith and most of the time faith means taking the leap when we can't see the bottom. Faith takes a great deal of trust in a God who loves us and desires to bless us.
That being said, maybe rather than thinking through the type of community I want to invest in, maybe I just need to invest and trust that God has put a number of accessible communities in my path for a reason. Maybe rather than making an elaborate schedule of how I should be spending my time and then getting discouraged when I mess up, maybe I just need to do the things that God is calling me to in the moments. Maybe rather than thinking through all of the needs in the city and where I want to invest, maybe I just need to invest in my neighbors whom God has put in my path.
Please continue to pray that I find a solid community, but also that I open my eyes to the community that God has already provided me with. Pray that I can have faith enough to act without a plan. Pray that I can be aware of the ways that the spirit is moving here and that I can be sensitive to the direction that he is calling me to go. Also, please pray that I remain healthy if that's what God wants for me, or that I can just rejoice in the suffering and find the blessing in a body that is less than healthy.
As an extra, there were two fires in my neighborhood over the last couple of weeks. One was at 46th and Spruce, right across the street from me in a transitional living home for people learning to live with disabilities. The other was at 45th and Walnut, a block away, above Saad's Halal Restaurant. Both fires displaced all of the residents, so please pray for all of those affected by the fires.
Also, Philly Serve part II is happening in the next 2 weeks. Please pray for that time and for all of those participating and those being served. Pray that would be able to bless the people we are serving and that we would have enough people to serve all of the needs.
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